Falling

September's nearly gone and I'm just now sitting down to type the news from CS Central. It's always my intention to write an upbeat, sunny message about upcoming shows and new projects and a bunch of nifty stuff coming down the pike that I'm excited about... but I'll tell you the truth. As much as I'd love to do that, I don't have much in the proverbial gas tank at the moment.

Sure, things are going well. I had a wonderful summer playing a few great festivals (this photo with ASL interpreter Jody Prysock is my favorite from Falcon Ridge Folk Festival, captured by Jake Jacobson), spending time with people I love, soaking up some sun and lots and lots of amazing, heart-stirring music. I have a bunch of shows I'm excited about in September and October -- benefits for causes I believe in, co-bills with my fabulous friend Karyn Oliver, in-the-round shows at the songwriter series I'm co-curating right here in Brooklyn, and my very first online show at StageIt.com. I'm writing and polishing new songs -- a whole bunch, in fact -- and making plans about how to put together a new album in 2020. 

And still, there are days -- sometimes even weeks or months -- when no matter how together I look on the outside, inside, I'm in a million pieces I have no clue how to put back together. It's hard to get anything meaningful to happen on those days. Hell, it's hard to get anything at all to happen on those days. But I try. I get out of bed and I wave goodbye to my family as they go off to storm the castles of work and school. I practice yoga. I drink coffee. I write. I book shows. I promote shows. I do the chores and the shopping. I cook. And always, I kiss and hug and otherwise give plenty of attention to my beloved castle-stormers, trying to remain present to them.

And despite all that, today is one of those days. And so was yesterday. And maybe tomorrow, too. So instead of just pushing aside this feeling, today, I'm going to sit with it and be present to myself in all my unvarnished frailty. And although I should probably wait even longer to write to you all, it feels like a really authentic thing to do to let you in on how things are right now, at this moment.

Maybe it's because I want you to know that if any of this sounds familiar, you are not alone. I live a life I love, surrounded by people I love and who love me back in spades, and yet I struggle. Maybe you struggle, too. If so, I see you. Maybe we can sit and just BE together for awhile. Maybe we can be kind to ourselves while we're at it. Put on your own oxygen masks first, friends, so we can be more fully present to each other. Hope to see you soon...

Namaste,
Carolann

Shows: https://www.carolannsolebello.com/shows

Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/CarolannSolebello/

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6 comments

  • Stephen Murphy

    Stephen Murphy Bronx NY

    Hey CA... I feel you. This piece really resonates for me. I struggle with all that you described almost daily. Staying in the moment seems to help. Music helps. Thank you for writing this. Sending love and hope to see you soon! XO SM

    Hey CA... I feel you. This piece really resonates for me. I struggle with all that you described almost daily. Staying in the moment seems to help. Music helps. Thank you for writing this. Sending love and hope to see you soon!
    XO
    SM

  • Rob Darnell

    Rob Darnell Kingston, New York

    Yeah same here ! I wanna be this inspiring composer, singer songwriter and yet ehh... But I know I gotta keep going. There's more work to be done. More people to inspire. I got this far because of people who did their best to teach me and others how to do our best and bring out our music from inside of us and bring joy to those who are not musicians. It's what we were put here to do, and by now we're doing it pretty well...thanks for writing this...

    Yeah same here ! I wanna be this inspiring composer, singer songwriter and yet ehh...
    But I know I gotta keep going. There's more work to be done. More people to inspire. I got this far because of people who did their best to teach me and others how to do our best and bring out our music from inside of us and bring joy to those who are not musicians. It's what we were put here to do, and by now we're doing it pretty well...thanks for writing this...

  • Carolann, thank you for sharing. Been in the dog days of no energy to get anything done and the mountain top days of excitement about gettting everything done. And if you have been in musical theatre (and I'm pretty sure I remember that you have) then you probably know the expression "Life is a song cue". I usually sing in the shower - so far tolerated by my fellow swim buddies at the local pool - no rotten tomatoes so far - will stop when they start tossing. But recently had some medical issues that changed my tune from "Joy to the World" to "Motherless Child" plaintive lyrics as I began contemplating my mortality. Never paid much attention to that before - not thinking I was a superman, just not paying any attention to finity. It made me think about how much I have to do and really how much I want to finish some things soon. Generally, I think the lows and highs in life are both instructive and important to illuminate truth. But sometimes when low, it's important to focus on others to remind us of the wonder of this world we share. Best always, Greg

    Carolann, thank you for sharing. Been in the dog days of no energy to get anything done and the mountain top days of excitement about gettting everything done. And if you have been in musical theatre (and I'm pretty sure I remember that you have) then you probably know the expression "Life is a song cue". I usually sing in the shower - so far tolerated by my fellow swim buddies at the local pool - no rotten tomatoes so far - will stop when they start tossing. But recently had some medical issues that changed my tune from "Joy to the World" to "Motherless Child" plaintive lyrics as I began contemplating my mortality. Never paid much attention to that before - not thinking I was a superman, just not paying any attention to finity. It made me think about how much I have to do and really how much I want to finish some things soon. Generally, I think the lows and highs in life are both instructive and important to illuminate truth. But sometimes when low, it's important to focus on others to remind us of the wonder of this world we share. Best always, Greg

  • Jefrey

    Jefrey Brooklyn

    Right on C, this post is RIGHT ON. Thanks for writing what others, like myself are feeling

    Right on C, this post is RIGHT ON. Thanks for writing what others, like myself are feeling

  • Michele Moyer

    Michele Moyer Daytona Beach

    You are authentic, genuine, and will forever be one of my most favorite people. I would dearly love to 'just sit and be together for awhile'. I shall always be one of your biggest fans. Abundant hugs.... Michele

    You are authentic, genuine, and will forever be one of my most favorite people. I would dearly love to 'just sit and be together for awhile'. I shall always be one of your biggest fans. Abundant hugs.... Michele

  • Carolann Solebello

    Carolann Solebello

    You guys are amazing. It comforts me to know none of us are alone. Thank you for reaching out, friends! Here's to peace in our hearts and minds... xo cs

    You guys are amazing. It comforts me to know none of us are alone. Thank you for reaching out, friends! Here's to peace in our hearts and minds... xo cs

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